Help Me Out

I've written something that I need immediate feedback on. I know every single Gardner Linn Fan has good taste and a sense of humor, so I'm appealing to you guys for said feedback. If you have time to read a 30-page script in the next few days and the inclination to be honest in your assessment of it, shoot me an email at busoramaATgmailDOTcom and I'll send it your way. Thanks in advance. (And sorry, but this is just for people I personally know, because I'm not comfortable sending out original work to strangers.)

EVERYTHING IDOL | Call for nominations

The current plan is for the Qualifying Round of Everything Idol to last through the end of the year. I can come up with four candidates a week by myself, but I'd rather let you loyal readers nominate things you'd like to see in the running because, y'know, I haven't read Little Nell, and maybe that's the best book ever. So nominate away.

EVERYTHING IDOL | Qualifying Round, Heat 17

Fight Club and beef (thanks, Day Jobs) move on to Round 2 of the ongoing competition to determine The Best Thing Ever. Here are the Round 2 contenders so far:

Kitties
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Air conditioning
Bob Dylan, 1965-66
Star Wars: the original trilogy
The Simpsons
The stories of Raymond Carver
Home cooking
The lightbulb
Homicide: Life on the Street
Ping-Pong
Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
Scissors
Google.com
Sex
US Postal Service
Chocolate-chip cookies
The Lord of the Rings (the movies)
Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner
Email
Rushmore
In the Aeroplane over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel
Fight Club
Beef

And the losers' brackets are shaping up thusly:

FILM: Boogie Nights, Edward Scissorhands, Lawrence of Arabia
MUSIC: Surfer Rosa by the Pixies, Otis Redding's oeuvre, Automatic for the People by R.E.M., "Georgia on My Mind" by Ray Charles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles, The Velvet Underground's four studio albums, iPod/iTunes, London Calling by The Clash, Led Zeppelin IV by Led Zeppelin, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars by David Bowie
TV: Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Sopranos, Freaks and Geeks
LITERATURE: Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien, Inferno by Dante Alighieri
FOOD & DRINK: apple pie a la mode, Guinness Stout, pizza delivery, Coca-Cola, NyQuil, bourbon, chicken, seafood, pork
OTHER: shoes, eBay.com, Mapquest.com, Weather.com, money, power, fame, that picture of Johnny Cash flipping the bird, righteous indignation, correct spelling, carpet

The next four contestants, please:




1. Mr. Show with Bob and David |
I thought that my home was my castle
with no one scrutinizing me
No pigs, no lying bitch, no hassle
Y'all are brutalizing me
Can't a man not drink his beer in silence?
Can't a man not crudely lie and scream?
Can't a man not control his bitch with violence?
Y'all are brutalizing me
Y'all are brutalizing me




2. Macaroni and cheese | Apparently there's a restaurant in Los Feliz that serves fried mac & cheese balls, which sounds like a pretty good reason to move to LA right there.




3. The Boatman's Call by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds |
It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They can comfort you, some even try
They nurse you when you're ill of health
They bury you when you go and die
It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They'd stick by you if they could
Ah, but that's just bullshit, baby
People just ain't no good




4. His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman | "Yes," he said, "as long as I live, I'll come back. Wherever I am in the world, I'll come back here--"
"On Midsummer Day," she said. "At midday. As long as I live. As long as I live..."
He found himself unable to see, but he let the hot tears flow and just held her close.

Polls close Monday, September 6 at midnight.

UPDATE-O-TRON 5000

1. Qualifying Heat 16 of Everything Idol is going on right now at The Day Jobs. It's currently a dead heat between pork, chicken, beef and seafood. Go break the tie!

2. If you want to participate in the new-and-improved Mix Tape Central CD Club and haven't signed up yet, what are you waiting for? The deadline is Wednesday!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"This does not mean the relationship has irretrievably broken down."

REMINDERS FOR MYSELF FOR WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK

Download the Toadies, Talking Heads and Rouge tracks at Teaching the Indie Kids to Dance Again.

Download the new (!!!) Pixies (!!!) track at Fluxblog.

Grab that Long Winters track from the Tofu Hut.

And maybe that John Prine deal from Said the Gramophone.

MIX TAPE CENTRAL MARK II

The old GLFC Mix Tape Central CD-swapping club is dead, but I want to get it going again. Those of you who participated last time, the rules have changed: instead of everybody making a CD every month, now every month one person will come up with a theme, which another group member will use to compile a CD to send out to the other members. The next month, that person will come up with a theme for the next member. Simple, right? This system should reduce the financial/time burdens that hastened the demise of the previous incarnation.

If you want to participate, say so in the comments, or send an email to busoramaATgmailDOTcom. Deadline for signing up is September 1, so let me know quick-like.

EVERYTHING IDOL | Qualifying Round, Heat 15

Wes Anderson's Rushmore and Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane over the Sea (thanks, Day Jobs) move on to Round 2 of the ongoing competition to determine The Best Thing Ever. Here are the Round 2 contenders so far:

Kitties
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Air conditioning
Bob Dylan, 1965-66
Star Wars: the original trilogy
The Simpsons
The stories of Raymond Carver
Home cooking
The lightbulb
Homicide: Life on the Street
Ping-Pong
Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
Scissors
Google.com
Sex
US Postal Service
Chocolate-chip cookies
The Lord of the Rings (the movies)
Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner
Email
Rushmore
In the Aeroplane over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel

And the losers' brackets are shaping up thusly:

FILM: Boogie Nights, Edward Scissorhands, Lawrence of Arabia
MUSIC: Surfer Rosa by the Pixies, Otis Redding's oeuvre, Automatic for the People by R.E.M., "Georgia on My Mind" by Ray Charles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles, The Velvet Underground's four studio albums, iPod/iTunes, London Calling by The Clash, Led Zeppelin IV by Led Zeppelin
TV: Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Sopranos
LITERATURE: Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien, Inferno by Dante Alighieri
FOOD & DRINK: apple pie a la mode, Guinness Stout, pizza delivery, Coca-Cola, NyQuil, bourbon
OTHER: shoes, eBay.com, Mapquest.com, Weather.com, money, power, fame, that picture of Johnny Cash flipping the bird, righteous indignation, correct spelling

The next four contestants, please:




1. Freaks and Geeks | "Fredericks, you're a turd... a stinky f-fat turd. Go sniff a jock strap, you poop-head. You love patting boys' butts...butt...you butt-patter! You're a perv and a loser and a stinky t-turd!" - teenage philosopher Bill Haverchuck




2. The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars by David Bowie | Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth. You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your cigarette. The wall-to-wall's calling, it lingers, then you forget. You're a rock 'n roll suicide.




3. Carpet |
MARGE: Homer, did you call the audience chickens?
HOMER: No, Marge! I swear on this Bible!
MARGE: That's not a Bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
HOMER: Mmmm...fuzzy.




4. Fight Club, directed by David Fincher |
NARRATOR: I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.
TYLER DURDEN: Shit, man. Now it's all gone.

Polls close Monday, August 30 at midnight.

EVERYTHING IDOL | Qualifying Round, Heat 14

The all-Athens heat 14 is going on right now at The Day Jobs. Go ye hence and vote.

New Wes Anderson, Hooray

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou trailer. It's in crappy/not-guaranteed-to-work RealPlayer/Windows Media format, but still: awesome.

"I wonder what they're saying?"

SPINE | Review Haiku

In lieu of saying something substantial today (i.e. the longish consideration of current golden boy Robert Kirkman I had originally planned), here are a few succinct, pithy reviews of recent comics:



Identity Crisis #3

Another wife dies
It sucks to be married to
Lame superheroes



Avengers #500

Who is Jack of Hearts?
Explosions are so pretty
Pop pop pop pop pop



Astonishing X-Men #3 (special guest review by The Incredible Hulk)

Big blue kitty cat!
Don't let scratchy guy smash you!
Poem make Hulk head hurt



Ultimate Nightmare #1

Tunguska! Scary!
L33t = babies dying
Falcon's kinda cool



Chosen #3 (special guest review by Brian Michael Bendis)

Satan? Fuck. Cocks--wait--
Five cocks? Yeah. Fuck. I--I know.
The president? Fuck.



Eightball #23 (special guest review by Mark Millar)

A nice, little book
Man, son, I read it, cowboy
It needed more sharks



Conversation #1

Thompson has no clothes
(Literal/figurative)
$4.95? What?

CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS

I've got a new title-bar quote game lined up, but we're having technical difficulties getting our last winner Zane up and blogging, so we'll hold off on that for a bit.

Speaking of Zane: Is this the song from Detroit Rock City you were asking about a while ago? Get it while the getting's good.

And I'm still looking for somebody to do some basic redesigning on the site. I'll be your best friend...

Tomorrow: A new post about comic books! For real! Start salivating now!

EVERYTHING IDOL | Qualifying Round, Heat 13

Email takes correct spelling, NyQuil and London Calling out behind the woodshed and beats them senseless, earning a spot in Round 2. Here are the Round 2 contenders so far:

Kitties
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Air conditioning
Bob Dylan, 1965-66
Star Wars: the original trilogy
The Simpsons
The stories of Raymond Carver
Home cooking
The lightbulb
Homicide: Life on the Street
Ping-Pong
Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
Scissors
Google.com
Sex
US Postal Service
Chocolate-chip cookies
The Lord of the Rings (the movies)
Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner
Email

And the losers' brackets are shaping up thusly:

FILM: Boogie Nights, Edward Scissorhands, Lawrence of Arabia
MUSIC: Surfer Rosa by the Pixies, Otis Redding's oeuvre, Automatic for the People by R.E.M., "Georgia on My Mind" by Ray Charles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles, The Velvet Underground's four studio albums, iPod/iTunes, London Calling by The Clash
TV: Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Sopranos
LITERATURE: Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
FOOD & DRINK: apple pie a la mode, Guinness Stout, pizza delivery, Coca-Cola, NyQuil
OTHER: shoes, eBay.com, Mapquest.com, Weather.com, money, power, fame, that picture of Johnny Cash flipping the bird, righteous indignation, correct spelling

The next four contestants, please:




1. Rushmore, directed by Wes Anderson | "You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember: they can buy anything, but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you." - "Best chapel speaker I have ever seen" Herman Blume




2. Untitled aka Zoso aka Led Zeppelin IV by Led Zeppelin | "When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. " - the fifth point of Mike Damone's Five-Point Plan




3. Bourbon | "Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of delicious bourbon...brownest of the brown liquors...so tempting. What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial..." - Lionel Hutz




4. Inferno by Dante Alighieri | "Fuckin' Dante... poetry-writing faggot! Piece of shit motherfucker!" - Det. David Mills, noted literary critic

Polls close Monday, August 23 at midnight.

PREPARE YOURSELVES

Longtime pal/frequent GLFC commentator Zane has won the inaugural "guess the title bar quote" Contest of Champions, so he now has a week of carte blanche posting privileges, which he should start using/abusing any moment now.

Fasten your seatbelts, etc.

CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS

In keeping with the audience-participation theme of Tuesdays here at the GLFC, here are a few things you audience folks can participate in.

1. You might notice the new title up in the title bar: "Bad Luck Kitty put a spell on me." First person to tell me where that line comes from wins GLFC posting privileges for a week. (Hint: it's from a 1990s TV show. I want to know the context in which the line is used, so don't just start throwing out random TV show names. Here's another hint: the actor who uttered this line was imitating another, much more famous TV actor when he said it. And a final hint: the famous actor who was being imitated is well-known for playing characters who share his first name.)

2. Should I finish watching The Big Bounce, which I've had for a week and only watched about half of? Yes or no. Your vote counts more if you've actually seen it. (Okay, another hint: the actor who said "Bad Luck Kitty put a spell on me" had a supporting role in the last movie directed by the director of The Big Bounce.)

3. I want to redesign the GLFC, largely so I can finally put in a blogroll and link back to all the fine folks who link to me. But what you see here is the extent of my design/coding abilities, so if anybody wants to do some pro bono blog design work, lemme know.

EVERYTHING IDOL | Qualifying Round, Heat 12

In the absence of any delicious dessert treats, the film version of Lord of the Rings tied with Absalom, Absalom! to move on to Round 2. Here are the Round 2 contenders so far:

Kitties
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Air conditioning
Bob Dylan, 1965-66
Star Wars: the original trilogy
The Simpsons
The stories of Raymond Carver
Home cooking
The lightbulb
Homicide: Life on the Street
Ping-Pong
Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
Scissors
Google.com
Sex
US Postal Service
Chocolate-chip cookies
The Lord of the Rings (the movies)
Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner

And the losers' brackets are shaping up thusly:

FILM: Boogie Nights, Edward Scissorhands, Lawrence of Arabia
MUSIC: Surfer Rosa by the Pixies, Otis Redding's oeuvre, Automatic for the People by R.E.M., "Georgia on My Mind" by Ray Charles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles, The Velvet Underground's four studio albums, iPod/iTunes
TV: Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Sopranos
LITERATURE: Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
FOOD & DRINK: apple pie a la mode, Guinness Stout, pizza delivery, Coca-Cola
OTHER: shoes, eBay.com, Mapquest.com, Weather.com, money, power, fame, that picture of Johnny Cash flipping the bird, righteous indignation

The next four contestants, please:




1. Email | Makes wasting time at work much easier; lets the phone-phobic be as eloquent in their communications as their more loquacious peers.




2. Correct spelling | The glue that holds society together, for real. Unfortunately, it and email are often mutually exclusive. Get it together, people! The difference between "its" and "it's" is the only thing keeping us from tumbling into chaos!




3. London Calling by The Clash | Phony Beatlemania has bitten the dust.




4. NyQuil | Big N, little y, GIANT FUCKIN' Q!

Polls close Monday, August 16 at midnight.

Also: Vote in the I Love Music Top 100 Albums & Tracks 2000-2004 poll. Their list of eligible nominees is weirdly selective, totally non-exhaustive and seemingly weighted toward the last year (for instance, I would rate QotSA's non-list-approved Songs for the Deaf much higher than Rated R, or Wainwright's Poses ahead of Want One), but there's enough good stuff on there that I feel confident in calling this a pretty accurate representation of my favorite music of the last five years. Interesting to note that my taste in albums leans to whiteboy guitar rock, while most of my favorite singles are hip-hop tracks. (link via Clap Clap Blog)

My favourite albums (in order of pref.):
01. 45pts - The White Stripes - Elephant
02. 40pts - Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
03. 36pts - Radiohead - Kid A
04. 32pts - Sigur Ros - Agaetis Byrjun
05. 28pts - Queens Of The Stone Age - Rated R
06. 24pts - Interpol - Turn On The Bright Lights
07. 20pts - Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks - Pig Lib
08. 16pts - The Fiery Furnaces - Gallowsbird Bark
09. 13pts - Rufus Wainwright - Want One
10. 10pts - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever To Tell
11. 7pts - Radiohead - Amnesiac
12. 5pts - PJ Harvey - Stories From The City Stories From The Sea
13. 3pts - Bubba Sparxxx - Deliverance
14. 2pts - Cat Power - You Are Free
15. 1pt - Smashing Pumpkins - Machina: The Machines Of God

My favourite tracks (in order of pref.):
01. 45pts - Outkast - Hey Ya!
02. 40pts - Aimee Mann - Save Me
03. 36pts - Beyonce featuring Jay-Z - Crazy In Love
04. 32pts - Jay-Z - 99 Problems
05. 28pts - Queens Of The Stone Age - No-One Knows
06. 24pts - The Roots - The Seed 2.0
07. 20pts - The Streets - Weak Become Heroes
08. 16pts - Kelis - Milkshake
09. 13pts - Andrew WK - Party Hard
10. 10pts - Flaming Lips - Fight Test
11. 7pts - R Kelly - Ignition (Remix)
12. 5pts - The Strokes - Hard To Explain
13. 3pts - Radiohead - There There
14. 2pts - Lil Jon & The Eastside Boys ft Ying-Yang Twinz - Get Low
15. 1pt - Kanye West - Jesus Walks

Favorite track from favorite album: "Ball and Biscuit"
Most hated nominated track: Sisqo's "Thong Song"

EVERYTHING IDOL | Qualifying Round, Heat 11

Chocolate-chip cookies demolished the competition in Heat 10, much to my surprise and chagrin. Here are the Round 2 contenders so far:

Kitties
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Air conditioning
Bob Dylan, 1965-66
Star Wars: the original trilogy
The Simpsons
The stories of Raymond Carver
Home cooking
The lightbulb
Homicide: Life on the Street
Ping-Pong
Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
Scissors
Google.com
Sex
US Postal Service
Chocolate-chip cookies

And the losers' brackets are shaping up thusly:

FILM: Boogie Nights, Edward Scissorhands, Lawrence of Arabia
MUSIC: Surfer Rosa by the Pixies, Otis Redding's oeuvre, Automatic for the People by R.E.M., "Georgia on My Mind" by Ray Charles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles, The Velvet Underground's four studio albums, iPod/iTunes
TV: Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Sopranos
LITERATURE: Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
FOOD & DRINK: apple pie a la mode, Guinness Stout, pizza delivery, Coca-Cola
OTHER: shoes, eBay.com, Mapquest.com, Weather.com, money, power, fame, that picture of Johnny Cash flipping the bird, righteous indignation

The next four contestants, please:



1. The Lord of the Rings (extended editions), directed by Peter Jackson | So you don't like to read? Maybe you'd prefer to watch brightly colored images flash by on a giant screen instead.




2. Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner | Maybe we are both Father. Maybe nothing ever happens once and is finished. Maybe happen is never once but like ripples maybe on water after the pebble sinks, the ripples moving on, spreading, the pool attached by a narrow umbilical water-cord to the next pool which the first pool feeds, has fed, did feed, let this second pool contain a different temperature of water, a different molecularity of having seen, felt, remembered, reflect in a different tone the infinite unchanging sky, it doesn’t matter: that pebble’s watery echo whose fall it did not even see moves across its surface too at the original ripple-space, to the old ineradicable rhythm




3. Folding money | Made the coin purse obsolete




4. Party at my house Saturday night | How would you know if it's any good? It hasn't even happened yet.

Polls close Monday, August 9 at midnight.

INSTRUCTIONS

In lieu of listening to a new MP3 from me this week, here are a few things you can do:

1. Go to the website of designer Pablo Ferro and watch the incredible opening credits he designed for Bullitt. (Click "Enter," then "Portfolio," then "1960s," then "Bullitt.")

2. Read "The First Day of Winter," a story about a kid who's obsessed with Bullitt, and which I and a friend are currently trying to turn into a short film. Harder than it looks, kids. (It may be obvious from the text of the story that I wrote it before I ever saw Bullitt.)

3. Admire Lalo Schifrin's jazz score for Bullitt, which I want to use in said film. Ponder whether the abstract jazz-flute scene in Bullitt inspired the one in Anchorman.

4. Become jealous of Steve McQueen for getting to be that cool and star in movies with Jacqueline Bissett:



5. Prepare for a truly life-changing event: my belated housewarming/birthday party, SPACE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE 2004.



If I haven't invited you, and you think you should be invited, email me and let me know.